I Will Fulfill What I Have Vowed

 

When I lost my job and essentially lost access to my son, I felt so lost about what I was supposed to do. Strangely, I had an immediate sense of peace that God would provide for our family, and He has, just like I knew he would. I really never questioned whether we would have money to survive or if I would find another job, but I definitely questioned why God would separate us from Abe. I have been so sure that God brought him into our lives that it just didn't make sense why God would let us be pulled apart.

Nearly six months later, I am just as sure today that Abe is still meant to be a permanent part of our family, and even though I don't know why God has allowed us to be separated for now, I am positive that it is only temporary. God told me to make Abe a part of our family and to care for him as my son, and I made a vow to both God and Abe that I would do just that.

In December, I spent a lot of time reading and watching videos, looking for answers about what I was supposed to do. One particular video I came across was a pastor explaining what you should do when God makes you wait, and the very first point he made was that until God tells you otherwise, keep doing the last thing that God told you to do. I found such comfort in that reminder. God told me to love Abe as my son, so I will keep loving Abe as my son. It is such a simple thing to understand.

Between December and today, I have never stopped loving my child, but there have been days when I get tired of waiting and so many other emotions try to take over. Some days, I get depressed when I think about how long it has been since the last time I saw him. Other days, I find myself getting angry over the situation. There have even been days where my mind (the devil) begins to convince me that I should just give up.

The verse that God pointed me to today is the end of Jonah's prayer from deep in the belly of the whale. Somehow, in the midst of what anyone would have to consider dire circumstances, Jonah found the strength to actually say that he would give thanks to God. Then he recommits himself to doing what God told him to do. If Jonah could find that kind of resolve after being trapped inside a fish for three days, then surely I can keep going, as well.

I was going to point out that the very next verse is probably the most disgusting verse in the entire Bible--the whale vomited Jonah onto the shore--as a sort of funny side note. However, even as I was writing that line, I realized something important that I have never considered before. God did rescue Jonah from his situation, but it was not some neat and tidy solution. I realize that, sometimes, the solutions to our problems are covered in disgusting vomit. It is up to us to give thanks for the solution, clean ourselves up, and get back to fulfilling the vow we have made to God.

Heavenly Father, I made a vow to You that I would take Abe as my son, and even though the process has not been easy, and it has certainly not been what I imagined, I plan to fulfill my vow to You and Abe. Thank you for the rest of my family who are just as committed to that vow as I am. And thank you for reminding me that sometimes the solutions to our problems are not as clean and pretty as we would like them to be. Like Jonah, I will sacrifice to you with a voice of thanksgiving for all you have done for me. Truly, my salvation belongs to the Lord. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.