I Cry Aloud to the Lord

So I might as well jump right in. The past five months have been very difficult for me, more difficult than any extended period of my life has ever been. I don't want to go into a lot of the back story, but it is important for me to give enough details for anyone reading to understand the circumstances of this tough period of my life.

Last February, I reached out to a student who has been through more in his life than any one person should ever have to go through. He has been abandoned by both of his parents, he was abused in more ways than one, and his younger brother died of a drug overdose just last year. When I first met him, he was living with his aunt and uncle, and from the way he described it, no one has ever loved him. My heart broke for him (and still does), and I felt called by God to take him as my son.

In my teaching career, I have been blessed with the ability to connect with several young men who needed a father figure in their lives. I have talked with them, listened to them, given them advice, and formed relationships that have lasted several years. I have lovingly referred to these now-grown men as my "sons" as I have kept up with them after graduation. It has been a joy for me to watch them mature and know that God gave me the chance to be a positive role model in their lives.

Abe is different. Many times, God has led me into a fathering/mentoring relationship with young men who needed guidance, but this time, God spoke to me loud and clear. He didn't just tell me to guide Abe; he told me to make Abe a full part of my family. Abe was hesitant at first, and I cannot blame him for being scared after everything he has experienced in life. However, he quickly fell right into being one of us. Most of my other "sons" have never even met my family, but Abe has become my son (with no quotations) just as much as Rayne is my son or Carrie is my daughter. I can speak for the entire family when I say that we love Abe.

Since early in the process, Abe's aunt and uncle have not approved of him having a relationship with our family. I sent Abe a text wishing him a happy Easter from his Morganton family in 2023 that led to his aunt accusing me of being a groomer and a potential pedophile. No matter how many times I have reached out to his aunt and uncle, they never responded. They want nothing to do with me, and honestly, they want Abe to have nothing to do with me.

I have had conversations with Abe about his family's feelings and his own feelings. I have asked him directly if he has the same concerns as his aunt, and his response told me everything I needed to know. His answer: "I wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation with you if I did." Abe told Angie before the end of the school year last year that he would have never made it through the semester if not for us, and when I asked him in September if he wanted to be a part of this family, his answer was a very definite yes. God brought him into our family, and I made the commitment to Abe (and to God) that we will never abandon him. Our family is forever changed.

In November 2023, Abe came to our house to work on Calculus and help us decorate our Christmas tree. His aunt did not approve of him being at our house (which did not violate any school policies), and that night set off a chain of events that ended in my termination from NCSSM on November 30, 2023. I wish things did not turn out as painfully as they did, but I do not regret the relationship we have formed with Abe because I know that I am following God's path for my life.

The verses at the top of this post (Psalms 142:1-2) have been a common refrain on my walks in God's woods over the past several months. The most painful part of these past five months has not been losing my job as a math teacher because God has led me on a new tangent that has the potential to influence how millions of students around the world learn math. The part that hurts the most is the current feeling of emptiness in the new room I made for Abe in my family and my heart. We have not seen or heard from him since November, and I have prayed for him, cried for him, and begged God to bring him back to us every day since the last time I saw Abe.

God knows my trouble, and even through the tears, I still have full faith that our story with Abe will never be over. I know that God did not tell me to make Abe my son for such a short period. He is, and always will be, a part of our family, even on the days when we don't know how or where he is.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for watching over my son and keeping him safe until you bring us back together again. As much as it hurts me to wait, I will keep waiting until you are ready for us to be a family again. Thank you, Lord, for listening when I pour out my complaints before you. I put my faith in you to resolve all my troubles. In the mighty name of your Son I pray, Amen.