My God, Do Not Take Me in the Middle of My Life!

 

Some days, the verse God points me to is almost too accurate. Like most mornings, I went out for my walk, then asked God to show me what he wants me to focus on, and I landed on Psalms 102. Overall, this chapter is very similar to a lot of the other chapters in the book of Psalms, but verse 24 hit me like a ton of bricks, especially considering I stood there reading it on the morning of my 47th birthday....

For a little over a year now, my family has teased me that I have been going through a mid-life crisis. My first thought is mathematical: if this is the middle of my life, then I am excited about the thought of making it to 94! My second thought is emotional: I can definitely see the events of the past year as marking some kind of midpoint of my life.

The past year has seen a lot of things change in my life. My "crisis" began when I started thinking about how quickly our first child's life is moving. The entire 2023-2024 school year has been filled with so many lasts for Rayne that it has been hard to take in. My eyes have been filled with pride in so many moments over the past year, from watching Rayne play for the last time as part of the high school band to seeing him recognized for the "Spirit of Quiz Bowl" to hearing him speak from the graduation stage. So many things have come to an end that I can't help but look back at how far he has come. On the other hand, we have already gone through so many new things, as well, in the process of getting accepted into college and earning a spot in the marching band. I have to keep reminding myself that our Friday nights will now be our Saturday afternoons.

In the meantime, it feels like Carrie is trying to catch up to Rayne. She will always be my baby, but she is certainly no baby anymore. Seeing Carrie get out of the car for her first day of high school at the same time Rayne was having his last first day of school was such a hard day for me. Now, ten months later, we are getting ready for her to start driving herself. For many years, we have joked that Carrie is so independent that if she could drive, then she would be capable of moving out of the house and not need us anymore. Now that we are getting very close, that moment almost feels like a reality.

Last spring, I joked that some men get a new car when they enter a mid-life crisis, but I decided (God decided) to get a new son. In less than one year's time, Abe has become a part of the family. I gained and (temporarily) lost a son in such a short amount of time. There were times when Abe and I had conversations about how I worried that we wouldn't have enough time with him. At that time, I had no idea that our time together would be brought to such an abrupt halt. It is actually that abruptness that tells me we will be reunited with Abe soon because the Bible tells me that God will finish the good work He has started.

Finally, the same day we became separated from Abe was the day my teaching career came to an end. I used to comment that the first week of June 2027 would be a huge celebration in the Taylor household. All in one week, I would turn 50, Carrie would graduate high school, Carrie would turn 18, and Angie and I would finish 25 years of teaching. It seemed like great timing to bring that career to an end. Things don't always happen the way we plan, and honestly, I am liking 47 as a good way to start my second half.

Even though so many things have been changing in my life, I am even more thankful for the one thing that hasn't changed--the love of my life. This summer, Angie and I celebrate 25 years of our relationship, and this fall, we will celebrate 22 years of marriage. (It's funny to me to realize that those two numbers add up to 47.) She has stood by my side through every moment of this "crisis." Some days, she laughs at me for becoming so emotional over trivial changes, and other days, she cries with me over the major changes. In other words, she is living out Romans 12:15--"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn"--and I can never thank her and God enough for that kind of love.

I am not sure why I have said 47 is my favorite number, but I am hopeful that will God continue opening new, exciting doors for me and my family in year 47 and beyond. One thing I know for sure: I am only halfway there.

Heavenly Father, I can never thank you enough for the gift of my first 47 years of life. You have blessed me more than I can ever imagine, and I am confident that you have just as many blessings waiting for my next 47. Thank you, God, for what you have in store for me in my second half. In the precious name of Jesus I pray, Amen.