It Does Not Depend on Human Will

 


On November 30, 2023, I lost both my job and my son in a single moment. From that very moment, I began to pray for God to restore both my family's finances and my family's relationship with Abe. Immediately, I prayed for God to guide me and my family through this difficult period, and I continue to pray for His guidance every day, just like I always have. 

As things became more difficult, I questioned whether I was being punished or if I was failing some test. At some point when things didn't seem to be changing, I came to the conclusion that I must be doing something wrong. I cannot even begin to count the number of times that I have asked God to tell me exactly what I need to do to "fix things." Basically, I spent a long time feeling like it was my job to take care of things.

I want to clarify that I do believe that I am responsible for doing what God tells me to do or face the consequences of not following God's lead, but I have come to realize that some things (most things) are completely out of my control. It didn't matter how many jobs I applied for because God was going to bring the right job for me. I know now that things do not depend on my will or effort--God is providing exactly what my family and I need.

One of the things that I have asked God over and over as I have walked in the woods is for God to show me what he wants me to learn, and I think this is one of the most important lessons for me: I cannot make things happen on my own. I have to depend on the mercy of God. I will continue to ask, waiting for the day that God decides to turn his "not yet" into a "yes," but I do not get to decide the timing. In the meantime, I know that He is providing and protecting my family like only He can.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for helping me to better understand that things do not depend on my will or effort, and thank you for helping me learn to rely on your grace and mercy. Help me to surrender all and fully put my life in your hands. In the gracious name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

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